Thursday, June 4, 2015

Toying with Words


A dog walked to the street.

A girl walked to the refrigerator.

A small girl walked to the white refrigerator.

The small girl sauntered toward a white refrigerator.

The brunette girl sauntered toward a tall refrigerator.

The brunette girl joyfully sauntered toward a tall refrigerator.

The strikingly brunette girl joyfully sauntered toward an enormously tall refrigerator.

The strikingly brunette girls joyfully sauntered toward the enormously tall refrigerators.

The strikingly white horses joyfully sauntered toward the enormously aqua lake.

The strikingly white unicorns joyfully soared toward the distant aqua sky.

The strikingly white unicorns joyfully soared toward the distant setting sky. They spun in circles and flew in loops. The unicorns dashed though the clouds, over mountains and streams and seas. They never needed rest, and just played in the sky day in and day out, never stopping.

Sweet Babe

Sweet babe,
For you I brave the sea.
The spraying
Hurtling
Death bringing sea.
The sea that draws fear from
Every bone in my body.
But for you, I brave.
I have journeyed farther
Than I ever would’ve dreamed
For you, sweet babe.
When the wind roars,
Or the sea sprays,
Or the dripping ground glistens,
I look at you and remember.
I remember I have to do this,
For you.
Our journey isn’t for me.
Our journey is for you,

My sweet, sweet babe.

My Best Friend

I met my best friend when I was in preschool. We’re hardly apart now. We’re basically the same person. Only our appearance is different; she is short with dark hair and eyes, and I am tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. Our thoughts, though, our actions- they’re all the same. What we like, what we do, who we like- only a few minor things set us apart. What we wear, people we can’t stand- she’s an extension of me and I of her.
            I can’t imagine my life without her. So many of my stories start with, “So me and my best friend were hanging out...” We spend so much time together during the summer that she almost lives with me.

            Our best and our worst times, they include each other.




Almost

It almost could have gone the other way. My life could have been changed forever. Life without my best friend. It could have been so different.
            He got her name from a friend, who had gotten it from a different person, who had gotten it from a different person. He got all around the school, getting information from anyone who would talk. No one knew who he actually was, he just said he was an 18 year old guy from Ireland, but how was anyone to know if that was true?
            She was texting him for only a couple weeks before their conversation was found. They had texted day in and day out, but no one had known. She told him things about her that she hadn’t told but a few people, but he knew about them.

Who was he? We never knew. Maybe, possibly, unlikely had he truly been just an “18 year old from Ireland”. He was more likely a creepy, pedophilic man living in their very own city.  He was a creepy, pedophilic man who knew about my best friend- what she looked like, where she went to school, what she did in her free time. He shouldn’t have known these things.



If

What if she hadn’t been caught? If no one had known she was talking to him?  If one day, she had mentioned that she was at a specific place, thinking he couldn’t track her down, but he did. If he found her. If he took her.
If one day I got that call, saying that my best friend had disappeared. That she was gone. That no one knew where she was, that they hadn’t seen her since she went off with friends, that they couldn’t reach her. They would ask, did I know where she went? And I would’ve had to say no, I don’t know where the person I am closest to in the world is.
If he got ahold of her- but who would have known who it was? Her friends, maybe, but how do you say, yes I gave some random guy her number and I’ve also been talking to him and I gave his number to her and her and her too? The person who came forward and said this, they would have unintentionally helped a kidnapper commit a crime. Or they wouldn’t say anything, and no one would know they could be blamed, but eventually the case would go cold and her unfound.

What if?



The Day After

It was a Wednesday when I found out. It was late, and I was coming home from a rehearsal for a show. I got in my mom’s car, and waited for her to turn on the car and drive for home. Instead, she just sat there. Something was wrong. Something had happened.
            When I heard the story, I felt as if the breath was knocked out of me. What do you mean my best friend was talking to someone? What do you mean he was a stranger? What do you mean no one knew who he was, or how old, or where he was?
            I didn’t sleep that night. I stayed up the whole time, a million thoughts and what ifs circling my thoughts. Why what if how when who? I threw up, unable to keep down food with the thought that I almost lost her. I wrote and wrote, then ripped the pages up, hating the terrified words on the paper. I phased through so many emotions, from stone cold fear to anger to relief. Morning came faster than it had ever before. I felt sick, my head was pounding, and I couldn’t focus.
I still had to go to school. The day stretched through endless hours, each tick-tock second becoming longer and longer and longer. No one was supposed to know. I had to hide something was wrong. I tried to smile, but I felt nothing underneath. I tried to laugh, but each laugh choked me. What if something was going wrong with her? What if he made his move now, now that someone knew that he was talking to girls presumably much younger than himself? Would she be okay? What was going on? She didn’t have her phone anymore. I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t contact her. What if something was wrong? I needed to talk to her.

I needed to make sure she was okay.



Missing

If she went missing, it would have broken me. If she hadn’t come home from school one day, and she hadn’t come home and she hadn’t come home. If it grew later into that night, and they hadn’t seen her and they hadn’t seen her. Panicked calls to neighbors, her friends she should have been with. Driving up and down and around streets, trying to see where she had gone off-course. More calls to the school, to more people, had anyone seen her?
It was mid- October, and I was in a show at the time. I would have come down from it, happy and bubbling with stories of what happened in the show. My mom would be sitting in the car, waiting to pick me up. Her face when I stepped into the car would have tipped me off that something was wrong. She would tell me that my best friend in the world had gone missing. I would have been in denial. No, no, she can’t be gone. She can’t. Then I would’ve broke down, right there in the parking lot, because what would I do without her?
I wouldn’t have come back to school. Eventually, maybe, but how can you wake up and try to focus on school when your best friend is missing and you can’t do anything about it? You can’t. I would have gone to her house, the second I was told she was missing. Whereisshewhereisshewhereisshe? I would have gone to her room, remembering the many many many times I had been there. Too many to count. People would start coming, more and more. Maybe she was just upset. Maybe she got lost. Maybe she’ll come home.

Days could’ve passed, and we wouldn't have seen her. Police would be in and out of the house, searching for clues on the missing girl. No one would be able to sleep, haunted with dreams of where she was. Who she was with. Why she was gone. How were we supposed to function without her?




Lucky

I couldn’t see her until a week after. I wanted to- I wanted to go to her the minute I found out and hug her and say no you can’t ever do that again I need you I need you I need you. I wanted to hug her and never ever ever ever let go. I needed to show her that she had to be here forever.
When I finally saw her, I never wanted to let go of her. I wanted to hold her forever, because she was my best friend and I wouldn’t have been able to continue on without her. I was a better version of myself around her. She pushed me to my limits in order for me to become better. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I don’t want to come close to losing her again.

I’ll always thank everything I have that she was found talking to him before it went any further. Before anything happened to her. I’ll never forget this. I can’t believe that we were lucky enough to avoid something too awful to fully imagine. We are so lucky. So, so lucky.



She Swore

She swore she wouldn’t talk to strange people again. She swore, but sometimes I wonder. I saw her one time, and message popped up on her phone. It didn’t say from who, and I wondered, I didn’t want to wonder. I wanted that to be a onetime thing. But now, a year later, what if she’s slipping into old habits? I wonder if she started talking to him again.
She likes to have attention. If she can find someone who’ll give it to her… No matter what could’ve happened in retrospect, she’ll go back. If she does go back, she’ll be sneakier this time. We won’t be able to catch her. We won’t know it was happening until it’s too late.

“She swore she wouldn’t go back,” I tell myself, “She swore she swore she swore” I tell myself it’s not going to happen again, that even though she likes the spotlight that she wouldn’t be stupid enough to go back again. She swore. Nothing is going to happen to her. Nothing nothing nothing.



Infinity

She has her flaws, but she’s my best friend. I love her so much. She’s a slightly altered version of me. She’s my best friend, and I can’t imagine my life without her. I don’t want to.

We want to always be linked together. That was- no matter how far we are or what happened- we would always be together. Something where we could look at it and say, “My best is still here. She’s here for me.” A tiny reminder for those not-so-good days. An infinity sign, less than an inch, right on our hip bone. An infinity, for always being together. For always being there for each other. To always be connected. Infinity.






Positano

We stayed in a five star hotel with striking views of the Italian beach. We slept in a room with gold plated sheets and our own semi-private canal in Venice. We traveled to see the sweeping sights of Rome and the sunny island of Capri. Our last stop was a small province of Italy embedded in the mountainside. We thought it wouldn’t compare to the sights we had seen before, but it ended up being the talking point of our favorite part of our trip. Positano, Italy.
            Our taxi glided along the newly redone road. I leaned against my mother, sick from the long car ride and from inhaling too many croissants coated in chocolate.  The road was next to a cliff on both sides, and there was nowhere to look.
“We are almost here” said the taxi driver in a heavy Italian accent. I slowly sat up and peered out of the window. One side of the cliff had fallen, and in its place was a sweeping hill with tiny, brightly colored buildings in yellows and reds and blues and pinks. The bottom of the cliff reached down to a sparkling turquoise sea. The sea touched a beach of glimmering white sand, with picturesque umbrellas on the beach. It looked like a retouched postcard. The taxi zoomed into town, the streets curving in a calming way down the cliff. The taxi dropped me and my mom off in a small, blue and white bed and breakfast inn. It was quiet, but when we walked in the attendants greeted us as if we were the most important people in the world. They led us to our room, a pale yellow room with two twin beds with matching yellow flowered duvets. There was a balcony off of the room, carpeted blue with flowers decorating the whole terrace in hand made pots.
The beach sparkled and called to me, begging me to come down and play in the sea. My mother led me through the streets down to the seashore. We passed sweet smelling vendors calling out their products in Italian. Lemon leaves stretched out to us, perfuming the whole air with their scent. Side streets split off the cobbled main road, and fountains decorated the town center. My mother led me further down the road, and we passed under a bridge of flowers that grew in crisscross patterns.

The beach was flocked with people when we got down there. Children played in bathing suits and teens laughed and tanned with their friends. I ran immediately to the water. It greeted me with warm, open arms, and I dove underwater. I was still young enough to play mermaid. I pretended I had a shining fin of scales, and flipped in the water. The rocks were worn down and felt soft under my feet. I let the waves carry me to shore, and sat at the edge of the water and stared out the town. A temple stretched out to my far right, and at the very top of the hill I could see glowing lights. The cliff was jagged and covered in dark green moss in several places. Shops covered the rest of the Earth. I leaned back, and let the warm water rush over me and cover me head to toe. This was better than any of the “high class” places I’d ever been.

Looking at a Coin

I.
The dull rust.
In God We Trust
Liberty
1978
A lasting memoir
still carried in my wallet today

II.
Gold
and silver
and copper.
Precious metals that rule
our precious lives.

III.
A golden coin
in an silver wishwell.

IV.
The forgotten penny
in the bottom of the bag
in the corner of the room
hidden under a book
V.
The deciding factor.
heads
or

tails.

Petty Arson

What had started as a joke spiraled out of control as the city skyline danced with flame. 

jhnuuh

His head slammed into the computer keyboard, leaving the imprint of words marked on his forehead. 

Malfuction

The theatre lights flickered on, lighting the stage in a dull ring. They hadn’t been lit since the accident. 

Murder Mystery

He never finished his story. There was only a red splatter across a mostly blank page.

Sweet Ghost

She was pronounced brain dead at the scene. Ten years later, we still had breakfast together every morning.